Sometimes I think I feel beyond what I can handle...

Children. Memories. Love. Pain. Friends. Family. Future. Past. Death. Life. Creativity. Insecurity. Failure. Doubt. Success. Confidence. Music. Pictures. Scenery. Feelings. Textures. Nature.

It seems to take very little to break my sociological wall of remaining composed. With the whisp of a memory, I crumble to pieces. With the sight of a raw emotional reaction in another, I am overwhelmed. With the realization of what another is possibly experiencing, I feel my heart twang.
Some say I am sensitive. Some say I am observant. I think what it all comes down to, is sometimes I feel more then I can handle.

I will find myself casually walking down a street, completely preoccupied with the day's list of things to accomplish, when the sight of a stranger's face can make me halt in my tracks. Whatever it is I see in that stranger provokes a strong enough reaction in myself where, without even knowing exactly what it is I'm seeing or reading within that expression, my heart swells up with emotion and I am consumed. I will be sitting on a bus, and see an elderly man with kind eyes smile at a child, the quick exchange alone makes this big silly smile spread uncontrollably on my face, and I feel love in my heart.

It's so hard to explain. Its a really beautiful thing.

What makes this awareness hard is how quickly a single action can make my heart physically ache with pain. I know what it feels like when feelings hurt so strongly, you ache. Sometimes the ache is so sharp it makes it hard to breathe.

It's just insane how much of an reaction I can sometimes get from something that doesn't even directly involve me. Maybe I'm too imaginative. Maybe I take things too personally. Whatever the negative of the situation is, I'm working on it. And at the same time, I'm proud to be able to relate to even a stranger's glimpse of reality.

Fresh Beginning.

This year is coming to an end, and the memories I have from it are so amazing. There was a lot of hard times this year, but because of the hard, it really showed me the beauty in the good. During this year, I become SO close to someone who is now one of the most important people in my life. S, I am just SO thankful to have you in my life! I was just thinking about how last new years, you were surprisingly at the party I was attending, and I remember we were SO excited to have each other there! You were one of my new years kisses, and you stuck by my side when a certain boy whom had been difficult was entering my life again in a very unexpected way! I remembered we had both recently picked up smoking and we snuck outside to have little smoke breaks with each other throughout the party. What strikes me as interesting is, beginning the year with you holding my hand and screaming "HAPPY NEW YEARS" with me at the top of our lungs was foreshadowing what the rest of the new year would bring me. We became SO close this year, not saying that we weren't close before, but we just totally overcame so many different levels of our friendship, and the ease that we did it with astounds me! What a better way to end this year and start a new one again with you by my side :) Love you sweetheart!

This year also gave me new friendships, one in perticular: JMan, how could I forget you?? We were always kinda-sorta friends throughout knowing each other, but this summer, we totally hit it out of the park. You, S and CJAM are HUGE influences in my life. I am SO blessed to have you guys in my life. And every time I think about you guys, I get this huge smile across my face. You guys definitely became my family this year. We're inseperable, and this is something I am blown away by.

So lets do it guys. Lets kick off this year with a plan to set our little "entourage" dream/soon-to-be-reality lifestyle into action!

Frick. This is a clean slate. I'm going in optomistic, fresh, excited, driven, and with the confident that I have you guys by my side.

Love you guys.
SCupcake. xox

Release

Cry.

Cry, and scream it out.

Cry, scream, and pour your soul into every bit of expression.

Release.

Rid yourself of it.

Rid yourself of it, and move on.

Move on.

Days 17,16,15,14....

Days 17, 16, 15, 14...

Life has been unbelievably busy.
Finals, Papers, Homework, Classes, Work, Finding work, Chores...

I definitely haven't had enough free time to come on to my blog to update anything.
But to summarize, I still haven't smoked! I've been eating healthy, staying on top of important things, and making sure I take the right steps to manage my stress.

Yesterday I went to class, enjoyed the lecture and got my brain working in glorious ways, then made my way over to UBC to visit with my girl C whom I haven't seen in too long of a time. She looked amazing, as always, and we walked around campus with warm spicy teas and filled each other in the the life altering events that have occured in each others past that we've missed.

Then, last night I came out to SFU to stay the night at S's townhouse with her and her 4 guy roommates: J,J,S. We watched some TV, hung out, joked around, went to a hookah bar (ps. they don't use tobbacco, they use beet root instead, so not breaking any rules in plan!), grabbed some Christmases-in-a-cups, met some really fun people, made a fort in the living room, watched Knocked up, and shared old memories and life theories. It really was a wonderful time. I really enjoyed myself!

Now, I'm sitting in the SFU library, studying for my first of a few finals that will be occurring tonight. I feel pretty confident about tonight's final, because I've already had numerous study sessions. But there's never enough studying....

Got to get back to it!!

Day 21,20,19,18....

...complete.




Stayed strong, fought the urge, the battle was successful.
.... Now let's just keep it up against this war.

Facebook Status: SCupcake....

... just wants to feel like she's on the right track.

Black it out.

Black it out.
Black it out.
Black it out.

Day 21 of the Struggle...

Day 21

Easy Peasy. Still haven't smoked! I'm keeping strong!

Now I'm kicking it into hard gear to get the rest of my goals set up and kick started.

In terms of getting my health under control:

The Fast Track to a Hot Bikini Body

Summer is finally here! Are you ready to bare those arms and legs with confidence, even fit into a bikini for the beach? This is the time of year when everybody wants to look and feel good but some of us may not be quite ready. Don't you wish there were ways to help you get into shape fast? When Hollywood actress and MAXIM cover girl Emmanuelle Vaugier flies into Vancouver to do a project, we often have very little time to whip her into the tip top shape required for her film roles and photo shoots. Sometimes we have as much as a week, or even as a little as 24 hours, to do our magic. To make the most of our time, I've used a combination of techniques that have proven to be effective and have given us the results that we want fast. Listed below are proven techniques that will put you on the fast track to achieving the hot bikini body that you've always wanted NOW!

EAT RIGHT AND TRAIN RIGHT!

Drink Up!

Water is a natural diuretic. To avoid being bloated, drink at least eight glasses of water per day. Water regulates the body and flushes out toxins, salts and stored water. Not drinking enough water makes your body retain whatever moisture it gets. A great way to drink water is to add lemon. One of the major health benefits of drinking lemon with water is that it serves as a great weight loss remedy.

Eat Little and Eat Often!

Small frequent meals 3-4 hours throughout the day helps to fuel the body regularly and keep you from overeating. A good way to ensure that you're eating just enough and not more is to eat only until you are 80 percent full.

Anna trains Emmanuelle Vaugier

Cut Out The Sugar

Digesting sugar throws your body's blood sugar levels off balance, leaving you craving for more. This reaction also increases your appetite. Avoid it altogether! Sugar comes in many forms from sweet things to starches including things like: juice, ice cream, soda pop, muffins, rice, and even potatoes! Aspartame is also a type to avoid. Although aspartame is lower in calories than sugar, it still spikes your insulin levels. Instead, try the natural herb stevia. Stevia is sweet but it doesn't disturb your blood sugar levels like sugar or aspartame does.

Drop the Alcohol

Alcoholic drinks are extra calories that your body does not need. It also increases your appetite and weight as well as age you. If you want a body fit for the gym, you need a person fit for the gym. Alcohol can leave you unmotivated, distracted, and lethargic. Avoid ALL alcohol!

Eat Your Fruits Wisely

Fruits are better eaten alone and on an empty stomach. When trying to achieve a lean look, limit yourself to 1/2 cup of fruit per serving, allowing 1-2 servings per day. The best choices are fruits with less sugar content like apple, pears, strawberries and blueberries. Avoid grapes, dried fruits and juice. Another note, be sure to eat your fruits and not drink them. Drinking juice, whether it be carrot or beet juice, does provide nutrients to the body, however, it gives you more calories and sugar than if you eat your fruit whole.

Eat Your Vegetables

Choose to eat a variety of fresh vegetables raw or lightly cooked. Vegetables that are canned, frozen or over-cooked are robbed of its vitamins and minerals, flavor and texture. Salads, stir fries or steamed or grilled vegetables are healthy low-fat choices. To avoid extra calories and fat, hold back on adding heavy sauces or using high-fat cooking methods such as frying to prepare your vegetables.

Pick Complex Carbohydrates

Stay away from refined carbohydrates like white-flour products, breads, donuts, chips, crackers, pastries, pizza, pasta, biscuits, muffins, etc. They are highly processed and have been stripped of most of their vitamin and mineral content. They also add inches to the waistline. Instead, choose organic varieties of unrefined complex carbohydrates like brown rice, quinoa, barley, oats, oatmeal, lentils, chickpeas and millet.

Anna trained body - Emmanuelle Vaugier

Choose Lean Protein Sources

Avoid red meats, pork, ham, lamb, and processed meats like cold cuts, pepperoni and sausages. These are all high in calories and fat. Instead, choose lean meats like fish, poultry and eggs. Be sure to eat organic, free-range, grass fed, hormone-and antibiotic-free proteins. Examples of good protein sources for vegetarians are almonds and seeds. Nuts and seeds can be high in calories and fat. As a general guideline, have no more than 12 almonds or 2 tablespoon of seeds per serving.

Don't Eat Late

Calories from late night meals don't get the chance to be burned away and are, instead, stored as fat. Remember to think of your meals as fuel for your daily activities. Your body requires very little fuel to dream, breathe, and sleep. As a rule of thumb, try to avoid eating after 8pm.

Avoid the Bloat

Know your body and its reaction to foods. By avoiding the foods that you may have an allergy or sensitivity to, you can avoid the chance being bloated. Examples of the most common food allergens are wheat, dairy, gluten and soy.

Choose Good Fats

Fat is an important contributor to good health. However, saturated fat is bad for health as it is a major cause of weight gain and is also proven to clog arteries and cause heart disease and stroke. Avoid saturated fats like hydrogenated fats or trans-fats such as lard, palm oil, margarine, biscuits, pies and pastries. Unsaturated fat is a healthier alternative to saturated fat and can be found in oily fish such as salmon, sardines and mackeral and vegetable oils such as sesame, sunflower and olive.

Stay Away From Fast Foods

Fast foods are cheap and easy for a reason; they are made from unhealthy, low-quality ingredients that are high in calories and fat. While they may seem quick and convenient, consider how much energy you'll need to use up on a cardio machine to burn it all completely. Fast food doesn't seem so quick or convenient anymore, does it? If you want to get in shape fast, stay away from foods like burgers, hot dogs, burritos, and buttered popcorn.

Limit Your Salt Intake

Adding more salt in your eating can cause water retention. Avoid high sodium foods like frozen entrees, canned soups, chips and fast foods. Many people use salt because they need more flavor. A better way to achieve flavor is to use ingredients like lemon, a variety of fresh and natural herbs, garlic, ginger and onions.

Don't Eat Fried or Overcooked Foods

Foods that are fried and overcooked have lost their nutrient value and are high in saturated fats. Examples of fried foods are fish and chips, fried chicken, chicken wings and spring rolls.

Mix Cardio and Weights Into One Session

Cardio training helps to burn calories and rid the flab while weight training helps to firm your muscles and increase your metabolism. For best results, mix the both into your training session. To achieve long lean muscles, work with lighter weights and higher reps. (Example: 1-3 sets of 12-25 reps with 30-60 sec rest between sets) Rather than sitting in between your sets, fit in 30-60 second bouts of jogging, jumping, hopping, doing steps or skipping rope in between each set of weight-training exercise. By also challenging your heart and lungs throughout your workout, you will increase your physical effort and burn a ton of calories.

Mix Upper and Lower Body Exercises

By alternating upper and lower body exercises or performing combination exercises that are movements of the upper and lower body all-in-one exercise (ex. biceps curl with squats), more muscles will be worked, your efforts would be increased and your calories burned would be higher.

Stretch

To look slimmer and taller immediately, STRETCH! Stretching elongates the muscle and releases tension to give your body a lengthened look. Stretch your chest, sides, hip flexors, hamstrings and lower back. These areas are the most common areas of tightness for most people. Stretching the tight muscles in your body will balance your body for better posture which would keep you standing taller and naturally looking leaner. For a general guideline on stretching, stretch for 2-7 days per week. Hold each stretch for 30-60 seconds. Perform 1-3 sets for each muscle group. Stretch to the point of mild tension, not pain, and progress once the muscle relaxes. Breathe properly by inhaling and exhaling throughout your stretch.

Every month Anna Wong, personal fitness trainer to the stars, will be writing a column for Asiance Magazine. This column is dedicated to your questions and concerns in health and fitness. Your suggestions and requests are welcome. This column is for you so your feedback is important. To contact Anna, email her at anna@annawongfitness.com.

The content provided in this column are protected under an international copyright. They may not be copied and/or used for any purpose either completely or partially unless by prior permission from Anna Wong. Violations of said copyright may result in legal action.



Study Guide:
Take 2 hours each night to go through ECON notes and homework, get a good basis of understanding terms and formulas. Make Q-Cards to quiz myself. Show prof and parental units that I got this. Aim for the highest goal!

Here's something interesting I found on the web:

Professor Peter Taylor at Queen's University in Kingston, Ont., laments the fact that today's student is so focused on grades. "In the sixties you wouldn't need a book like this," says Taylor. These days, a simple diploma doesn't cut it. Employers look at grades for the initial cut to decide who to interview, he says. Top marks get the top jobs. Taylor would prefer a system with less value placed on marks. "More in the way of pass/fail courses," he says. "Bright can mean a lot of things. Highly creative students can't always perform in high-pressure situations," such as tests and exams.

Professor Milt McClaren at Simon Fraser University in Richmond, B.C., scoffs at the idea that talking grades to students teeters on questionable etiquette. "I try to make it absolutely clear what my expectations are. And I also try to make it clear how I'm going to evaluate students so that they know what the rules of the game are," he says. McClaren adds that his colleagues often say to him: "You know, students don't talk about anything anymore. All they want to do is talk about what's on the test." It's a common complaint among professors, he says, to which he replies: "Do you have a mirror in your bathroom? Well, look in it. We're the enemy. We're the people who are driving this culture."

A grade point average, McClaren says, "is worse than a criminal record. You're never going to get rid of it." Professors should have some sympathy with that situation, he feels. "It's not good enough to tell a kid, 'Just suck it up. I don't want to discuss it with you because it's kind of crass.' "

Hyman and Jacobs' book looks at everything from how papers and exams are marked and which courses to take to when and how to drop or pick up a course; how to make the most of lectures; how to study for and write exams; and finally, the dos and don'ts of talking to a prof.

To start things off, they set straight what they believe are misleading myths. For instance, "A is for Attendance" is incorrect, they write. "It's simply not the case that attendance will get you a good grade." Jacobs and Hyman don't discourage attendance, but the focus in grading is on product not process. Furthermore, the grader of a course could be an anonymous grad student, so sucking up to the prof in class is likely a waste of time.

The book also claims that it's a myth that professors don't care how well students do. "The fact is," they write, "professors feel really good about giving out A's and really bad about giving out C's and D's." Taylor, who teaches math and statistics, concurs. "I really hate failing a student. I really hate getting a paper where the student simply hasn't done anything that's worth very much."

McClaren's take is alarmingly different, however. If a prof hands out too many A's, he says, "I can tell you right now you're going to get a memo that's going to say, 'You're giving too many A's.' You're [seen as] too soft. A lot of people have a curve in their head that it's only possible for five per cent of students to get an A. We need to rethink the grading system."

When it comes to essays, graders have basic expectations, write Jacobs and Hyman. If the paper displays knowledge but it's not fancy or embellished, it gets a B. If it omits something that the grader thinks is an essential point, or if it's confusing, vague or irrelevant, it'll probably get a C. An A paper, on the other hand, shows a deep understanding of the material and likely brings in extra data or original insight to support the points made. Beware. A teaching assistant will "put your work under the microscope of their intellect and knowledge. They're primed to find errors," Jacobs and Hyman write.

In chapter three of Professors' Guide, the authors discuss the well-known strategy of students "larding up" their schedules with "Mickey Mouse" courses, which Taylor notes was unheard of in his day. "I don't even remember the word 'bird course' being around," he says. Children's literature("kiddie lit"), for instance, is always a popular way to fulfil an English requirement without ever having to read anything above a Grade 2 level. Surprisingly enough, Jacobs and Hyman don't discourage the practice. However, the authors include the cautionary tale of a classics major who signed up for "Greek and Roman Sports and Recreation" expecting a respite from intellectual rigour, but who found himself so bored he wound up with a C.

"The moral?" write Jacobs and Hyman. "If you take a course because it's easy and slog through it like a zombie, you might end up with a less stellar grade." Beware also of the "birdy" sounding sociology course. If it presupposes a command of statistics, it'll be a "GPA-buster for someone who isn't good with numbers."

As for prof "shopping," if students have good evidence that someone is a "hard-ass grader," they need to think carefully before proceeding. Jacobs and Hyman suggest students ask another professor whether they can "expect to do well" in so-and-so's class. They should also look for a posted grade sheet from the previous term or ask friends what their experience in the course was.

A foreign-language requirement is the "Fear Factor of the college scene," write Jacobs and Hyman. "Once your grades in a language course start to slide, it's hard to stop the downward spiral." They suggest not picking a language that requires learning a new alphabet. Chinese, for instance -- "unless you plan to go into business in Asia(contact Wal-Mart or Proctor and Gamble for more details)," they write.

If students find a course totally incomprehensible, or if they like the course but don't like the professor, "it's an absolute no-brainer." Drop it, advise the authors. And if, after dropping a course, a student enters a new course late, he should introduce himself to the professor, they advise. That way, he'll look like a diligent student. Politely request a course syllabus is their advice. And never say anything like: "I missed the first class, did you do anything?"

On the subject of taking lecture notes, Hyman and Jacobs propose that students average a page every 15 minutes. Tape-recording is a "monumental waste of time," they write. "How could it be better the second time? If you're ever in a position to generate an excellent set of notes, it's surely when you're maximally engaged."

In preparing for exams, Jacobs and Hyman suggest students look for old tests at the library or at frat and sorority houses. Many professors are too overworked, they say, to invent new questions, especially for multiple choice or essay questions that contain several parts. In review sessions, Jacobs and Hyman tell students to listen for cues from their teaching assistant, such as "You know what would make a good exam question . . ."

And students should always ensure ahead of time that they understand exam lingo. There's a difference between the instructions "compare" and "contrast" and "describe" and "evaluate." When asked to advance a hypothesis, for instance, they shouldn't start thinking they should summarize.

As well, it's the authors' opinion that any exam that looks like a "pig mess" gets a C. Students should avoid green or purple felt-tip pens, and write with black ink. Finally, if they're running out of time and it's a multiple choice test, Jacobs and Hyman instruct students to "blacken all the D's." If it's a math exam, they should include the strategy they would have used to solve the problem.

Professors' Guide devotes a whole chapter to the dos and don'ts of seeing the professor during office hours. McClaren, for his part, says "good luck to you." With a thousand students in a lecture theatre, it's "just not going to happen," he says of one-on-one meetings with every student.

Should you get an appointment, the book offers several points of etiquette.

1. Don't expect the professor to give you the answer.
2. Take notes during your meeting. Tell the prof when you don't understand.
3. Never lock horns with the professor and if you do, go back and apologize.
4.. Email is perfectly acceptable but make sure you set up a reputable account. Don't email from your hotchick@hotmail account.
5. Begin email respectfully. "Dear Professor ," and "Thank you for your kind help."
6. Don't email incessantly and don't assume that you're hated if you don't get a prompt reply.

And for those students who really are clueless:
7. An office appointment is not the time to "level" with the prof that you hate the course.

To comment, email letters@macleans.ca

It makes a lot of sense to be, being that I am a student trying her hardest to get somewhere in life... for more info, here's the source I got this information from: Here's a Way to Get Straight A's.

Day 22 of the Struggle...

Day 22


I'm still sticking it 'to the man' regarding my financial situation and my educational career, I'm going to show all those jerkoffs who don't think I can make it, wrong.
Still haven't smoked, kept on top of daily chores, routines, and schedule... So far so good.

Day 23 of the Struggle...

Day 23


Still sticking to it, didn't miss any classes, made all my appointments, kept my place clean, did a bunch of homework, went to study group, didn't smoke when my friends in my class (whom I normally would go out for smokes with) when break came!!! Scored a huge bowl of soup for $.25, and just plowing through!

"I'm always shocked that gay marriage is such a big deal. You have to realize how precious human life is, when there are tsunamis and mudslides, when there are armies and terrorists - at any moment, you could be gone, and potentially in the most brutal fashion. And then you have to realize that love is truly one of the most extraordinary things you can experience in your life. To begrudge someone else their love of another person because of gender seems to be absolutely absurd. It's based in fear, fear of the other, fear of what is not like you. But when you are able to see lives on a day-to-day basis, rather than reducing it to politics, then it humanizes a whole community of people that were otherwise invisible."

- Jennifer Beals

Music that will awaken your surroundings...

"7-Pm"
"La Valse D'Amelie (orchestra version)"
"Sur le Fil"
"Soir de Fete"
"La Valse Des Monstres"
"La Valse D'Amelie"
"Guilty"
"Si Tu N'Etais Pas La (Frehel)"

Yann Tiersen

Breathe Your Music into My Soul

Make Me Feel again?

"Black Balloon" - The Kills.

Farewell my black balloon
Let the weather have its way with you
Farewell my black balloon

La Valse d'Amélie

Day 24 of the Struggle...

Day 24


I think I'm completely not addicted to smoking. I haven't had a single craving. When I walk by people smoking the smell actually kind of grosses me out! I knew I was not addicted, but how easy this is to give up is a good surprise. Swearing is a little harder, because its mostly used for emphasis when it comes out of my mouth. But I'm getting better. I've stayed on track in terms of cleaning and classes and homework and studying. Heck, last night I was up until 5 am doing homework and studying, and I was up 4 hours later (9am) to get ready to head out to lunch with my father, then to a meeting with the Head of University Transfer department and my Econ prof, which went pretty well, except for the fact that my prof was really immature and just used the time to verbally call me names and sit on her high horse and accuse me of crap (long story) like the grades I was getting on homework and quizzes "had to be due to some sort of help" when really I just studied and got crap dealt with. She thinks I'm not smart enough to get the work by myself. She honestly said a bunch of shit (my free pass for the day, I deserve it, especially in this situation) that was definitely trying to provoke a immature response from me. But in the end I told her the situation and that she needed to accept it, because I was doing the best I could do given my situation, and I'm still here, aren't I? That's got to mean something. Woman, you have no idea who or what you're dealing with, you want to make it a challenge for me to kick your course's ass, be my guest, I'll own you.
So that's dealt with, and now starts the motion of getting my academics figured out. This will take a couple of days...

Today's lunch didn't go so well either. My father felt it necessary to remind me of how much of a failure I am to him. I'm either not working enough, and wasting too much time on school, or I'm working too much and not taking into consideration my career/life/education. There's NEVER a situation that is 'good enough' for that man. There are a lot of issues involving him with myself, like the subject of my hearing and hearing aids (yes, I'm hard of hearing, and recently bought myself my first set of hearing aids... I'll elaborate later.) Needless to say I left lunch crying in public, one of the most embarrassing situations for me. I pride myself on being very talented at not letting my emotions show, so the fact that I was crying outside, in public, downtown, was considerably embarrassing and stupid. Whatever though, there are bigger things at hand here.

BUT this needs to be continued later, S just blew in to welcome me and make me feel better... what are best friends for :)


BACK!
Okay so tonight was awesome!
S and I went all around downtown and had a proper night. We went out for dinner, chatted it up, sorted each others' lives out, talked politics and economics, had way too many teas, went to a Hookah bar, befriended the owners and got free hookah, then grabbed some Christmas-in-a-cup from Starbucks (Earl grey tea misto, soy, no foam, 2 pumps vanilla, 2 pumps toffee-nut, 2 pumps Hazelnut. I promise you, this is the essence of Christmas, IN A CUP), looked into some Montreal trip details, and had an all around blast.

Amazing.

Movember

MOVEMBER
MOVEMBER
MOVEMBER
MOVEMBER
MOVEMBER
MOVEMBER


Support Movember.

Day 25 of the Struggle...

Day 25:

Inspiration. Reflection. Motivation. Devotion.
I fought the war.
I fought the war.
I fought the war.
But the war won't stop, for the love of God.

Listening to old music - throw back's to the identity forgotten.
Association. Rekindling. Feel. Feel it.

I could paint. I want to paint, if I could.
I could write. I want to write, if I could.
I could dance. I want to dance, if I could.
I could sing. I want to sing, if I could.
I could believe. I want to believe, if I could.

I will.

Okay, So Day 25 is more then half way done.
And so far out of my goals, I've accomplished
Not Smoking
Not drinking
Cleaning
Laundry
Organization
Blogging
Study Group
Homework
Working out

I'm on a roll.
And so far I feel pretty good. The only downer so far is I still haven't recieved my last two paychecks from work, I've completely run out of food, out of TP, I have NO money in my account, or in my hands, and I'm starting to get hungry.

Random Action of the Day:

If you see anyone who looks like they're upset, or having a terrible day, (has to be a stranger) pick a flower and give it to them and smile. That is all.

Burn Your paper fingers...

You can burn your paper fingers in the ashtray
Place your swollen lips on mine
You can shave your heavy head in my carpeted hallway
Sure for the first time you're wearing the right clothes

Now take them off
Meet me on the band room rug
Tie my right hand to the ride

You can take a live wire into the bath with you
For a feeling you can't find
You can entertain your childhood friends with a tour of the bedroom
Laugh to erase the dirt on your mind

Oh let's move out
Meet me at the motel
Tie my right hand to the bible

Too little too late but we don't say no
It's too much to feel
Tie my right hand to the bible

Day 26 of the Struggle...

Day 26

... is over!
Today, there were no problems overcoming my weaknesses.
The only vice I could say I had today was laziness. I slept in, I watched a movie, and I didn't get anything done.

Goal for tomorrow: Do NOT be lazy. Get homework done. Get organized. Clean. Do.

Random encounter: George Michael is apparently inhabiting my neighborhood. Either it was him, or it was some body double. Ridiculous.

My Inspiration of today:

Random Action of the Day:

Walk into a room, make an entrance without saying a word and break out dancing the "Cuban Pete" dance from The Mask. Then, without a word, leave the room.

Cute = Cupcake. What If I want to be a Cake?

CUTE - [kyoot]
adjective, cut⋅er, cut⋅est, adverb, noun

–adjective

1. attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment. 2. affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious: The child has acquired some intolerably cute mannerisms. 3. mentally keen; clever; shrewd. –adverb 4. Informal. in a cute, charming, or amusing way; cutely: In this type of movie the boy and girl always meet cute. –noun 5. the cutes, Informal. self-consciously cute mannerisms or appeal; affected coyness: The young actress has a bad case of the cutes. What if I want to be the Cake instead?

Realizations....

I just had a realization.

It's about You. And what we went through... and the confusion of it's outcome.

Maybe it confuses me so much because I just don't understand You. I don't know Your story, I don't know Your mentality, or Your outlook. I'm not going to take your actions to heart. After all, I don't know You. Your way of dealing with things, differ from mine, but I have to be understanding of that. And just let it all go. And learn from it.
I would genuinely like to be friends with You. I really would. I don't see how we shouldn't be, it's not like there are any reasons why we shouldn't be.
So I'm letting the confusion and the reactions your actions have given me go.

Heck, this is my Day 26. I'm on a roll. Life will be Life, if you're in mine, then you're in mine. If not, then you're not. And that's that. And I'm good with that. I'll still be openminded to You and your friends if you make another appearance in my life, why not? I'm solid with myself, having you in my life or not isn't going to make or break me. And that goes for everyone whom crosses paths with me. Because I know that the main wonderful amazing people I have in my life are there for life. I have a family, not purely of blood, but of soul. And I will never be alone. Because I have Love in my Life. And such Huge amounts of it.

Shoutout:
ShJeCoKrDaScBoNiKiSiJeAmTrBuMaCoMoDaHeGrGCPeWeAlMi
DeWySaPaClSeTaMaRaLePeBaPaKrSeJe

Day 27 of the Struggle...

Day 27 was a good day.

Although I didn't have proper time to update, I'm now filling you all in.

S and I went out for tea and chat time before heading to S's Friend's birthday party at Darbys Pub on W4th and MacDonald.

I didn't know anyone, but I had a great time. There was rock band going on in one corner, and a top 40 DJ (was he even really a DJ?) going on in another corner. Needless to say, the fact that I didn't know anyone just fed into my fire of not giving a crap. So I got on what I would suppose was a dancefloor, and started hitting up the creeper dance. S joined in and soon I was making friends with the people who were around us, whose names I definitely don't remember. Apparently my dancing skills were pretty good, and as a reward I was bought 3 tequila shots, all from different people. We requested Spice Girls "Wannabe" and pretty soon I had the whole pub dancing with us.

All together, excellent night.

Oh, there's just one thing I have to admit to, Birthday Boy had a cigar and as a celebratory action, S and I split one. As far as I'm concerned, Cigars are luxury, and not considered smoking unless you have packs a day. Heck, I've had cigars now and then with my father since the age of 8.

Random Action of the Day:
Compliment a stranger. Make them genuinely smile.

Day 28 of the Struggle...

Day 28.

First of all, I just have to make a shout out to my amazing BFF Jman for the HAPPY NOVEMBER 13! HAPPY NEW DAY!
Just to let you know J, I've definitely been keeping myself chipper. New attitude. Thank you. :)
And don't worry, there will be random dancing in public.


Alright.
So, yesterday was pretty ridiculous for the amount of bad luck/trouble/stress/worst case scenarios I had thrown at me all in a short period of time.
I was THIS CLOSE to grabbing some randoms' smoke and inhaling, BUT I stayed strong and I'm proud of myself and of my other 30Dayer S. We're amazing. Let's keep this up.

So today I've been stressing and stressing because today's appointments really have an effect on my academical career. I've already met with Deans, Heads of Departments, Teachers... needless to say, I'm hoping, no, PRAYING for things to work out positively. PLEASE, who or whatever's out there, PLEASE help me get this to the best case scenario. Give me another chance to get this right. I have enough drive and want to accomplish my goals, and I do take responsibility for the lack of attention my academics have been receiving given the life situations I've been in for the past month and a half or so, but things are calming down, I'm starting to get more immune to life, and it's curveballs, so please, PLEASE, give me this chance to fix it.

Day 28 hasn't been too bad. Not yet. Hopefully it'll stay strong.

Progess Report:
Haven't smoked.
Haven't sworn.
Didn't miss classes
Made my bed before class
Cleaned my room before class
Made it to all my appointments.
Starting to get a grip on my stress managment.
Starting to get a grip on my studies.
I'll admit I was 7 mins late to class today. Stupid effing buses. (still didn't swear!!)

Day 29 of the Struggle

Day 29.


It seems like everythings crumbling around me. Fuck. How the fuck did this happen? What the hell's wrong with me?
These 29 days are going to stand for something.
I'm going to make a change in my life. For the BETTER.

Changes:
No smoking.
Healthy Eating
Working out.
Cleaning my room every morning before class.
No Tardiness for Classes.
No more Missing Classes, regardless of how fucking sick I am.
Stress managment.
Staying on top of my studies.


I just hope I get the chance to do this...


I just feel like it's, in a way, been taken to the extremes in a unfair way. It's not like I just sit around on my ass not doing anything, or just slack off.

One of the Best nights of my life...

I am so thankful.
I have such a wonderful group of people in my life.

Its hard to describe just how amazing and important these people are...
Regardless of the day, the situation, the time, whenever we're together, everything bad melts away and only positive is introduced in my life.

Through hard times, bad times, good times, boring times, there are a selected few who can and always will make me smile brighter and harder then ever.

No matter where the day/night takes us, it's always an adventure filled with experiences, people, memories and laughter.


I am honestly so blessed.

Reach Out and Touch Me.

Inspirations, Fetishes, Desires, Fantasies...

Feminism has suffered because of its views on Beauty and Fashion.

Feminism has suffered because of its views on beauty and fashion, author says

Craig Chamberlain, News Editor
217-333-2894; cdchambe@uiuc.edu

12/14/04

Click photo to enlarge Photo by Kwame Ross In “Fresh Lipstick: Redressing Fashion and Feminism” (Palgrave Macmillan), to be published in January, Linda Scott takes on the “antibeauty ideology” that she says has dominated feminist thinking about dress and personal appearance for 150 years. She is a professor of advertising and of gender and women’s studies

CHAMPAIGN, Ill. — Feminism needs to end its long obsession with the politics of personal appearance, and get past its dim view of beauty, says author Linda Scott, who describes herself as a feminist.

It’s an issue that has divided women much more than it has aided their cause, Scott says in a new book she wrote with young women in mind. She is a professor of advertising and of gender and women’s studies at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

In “Fresh Lipstick: Redressing Fashion and Feminism” (Palgrave Macmillan), to be published in January, Scott takes on the “antibeauty ideology” that she says has dominated feminist thinking about dress and personal appearance for 150 years. In the process, she essentially writes a new history of the women’s movement, revising or amending much of commonly accepted feminist history.

“Feminist writers have consistently argued that a woman’s attempt to cultivate her appearance makes her a dupe of fashion, the plaything of men, and thus a collaborator in her own oppression,” Scott wrote in the book’s introduction. “Though this wisdom has seldom been open to question as a matter of principle, it has always produced discord at the level of practice.”

In practice, the issue of personal appearance has been used repeatedly as an instrument of power and control within the women’s movement, reinforcing biases of class, education and ethnicity, Scott wrote. “In every generation, the women with more education, more leisure, and more connections to institutions of power – from the church to the press to the university – have been the ones who tried to tell other women what they must wear in order to be liberated.”

Scott points out that people in every culture and throughout history have groomed and decorated themselves, and for a complex variety of reasons, not just sexual attraction. Feminists have often advocated a more “natural” appearance, but what is natural is for people to alter their appearance, Scott wrote. Even the concept of what is natural is tied to one’s culture.

Feminists also have defined “natural” only in negative terms, usually criticizing “whatever the prevailing fashion found attractive,” Scott wrote.

The founding group of feminists, including Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton, were rooted in an upper-class Puritan tradition that strongly influenced their attitude about dress and personal appearance, Scott wrote. “In their calls for simplicity of dress, (they) were echoing years of conservative tradition in their own community, rather than making a ground-breaking critique as is often claimed,” she wrote.

Scott documents in her book how the call for plain and prim dress has been passed down through the generations, justified in different ways by successive groups who thought themselves the true feminists. She sees the Puritan influence continuing to the present day. “Consistently, feminist criticism will interpret an ad (or film or a fashion) until it can be shown to be a temptation aimed at the male gaze – and then stops. The implication is that if a dress, a picture, or a hairstyle is sexy, it is ipso facto oppressive.”

A key basis for that criticism has been the claim that fashion was dictated by fashion and cosmetics industries controlled by men. But in her study of 150 years of fashion history, Scott said she found that “the men have little or nothing to say about it.” It has been “clearly a woman’s game,” and to an extent she was surprised to discover. Even the beauty ads were written mostly by women.

In her book, Scott also tells the stories of numerous women who were influential in their fields and in the cause of women’s rights, but who have largely been ignored or intentionally forgotten. Their attitudes about dress, sexuality or other related topics didn’t fit with those of the movement.

Scott said that part of her motivation for researching and writing “Fresh Lipstick” came from personal history. As an 18-year-old college student and recent convert to feminism in 1970, she paid a visit to a feminist consciousness-raising group. “I was treated so badly for the way I was dressed that I never went back,” she said.

And she has since found that hers was a very common experience for many women at the time, as they came in contact with a more-radical campus feminism that Scott says was in the process of “hijacking” the “Second Wave” of the women’s movement.

Scott said she originally intended to write a more-narrow academic book, but spent extra time rewriting the book for a general audience, and for young women in particular. She believes a “Third Wave” of feminism, with different notions about dress and sexuality, is taking shape within this age group, and wants to encourage them.

She also believes there are simply more important issues, especially when looking at the status of women in a global context.

“Voices from around the world report a variety of conditions and systems under which only one thing holds constant – the universal second-class status of females. If there was ever a moment when the women of one culture had a responsibility toward their sisters in other nations, this is it. We should not waste time quibbling over what to wear to the conflict.”

Fuck Me

"What I want is for you to write 'Fuck me' on your chest. Write it. Do it. And then I want you to walk out that door and I want you to walk down the street and anybody who wants to fuck you, say 'Sure, sure, no problem.' And when they do, you have to say, 'Thank you very, very much.' And make sure that you have a smile on your face. And then, you stupid fucking coward, you're going to know what it feels like to be a woman."

-The L Word

"The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you."

"Namaste." Peace. Love. Respect.
In my soul I am tranquil. If I was close to any religion, it would be Buddhism, for the purpose of being good. Good hearted, kind, honest, true. These are my moral virtues.

To genuinely wish positivity on to someone else, is part of the greatest lesson of life; To be Real.

I am honored and humbled to have found this value and meaning in my life, at this point of my life. I am humbled by the truly magnificent, beautiful beings whom I am so lucky to call Family, Friends, Home.
You individuals stand out amongst the grey scale of my life. You are vibrant, colorful, sensual, and truly amazing. I am so honored. And I am so grateful.

My beautiful sister, my other half, my life source, you are my breath, my blood, my heart. I hold your heart in my heart. Without you, I would be empty. We are going to be together Forever.

My darling best friend, you are the guidance, my peace, my laughter, my sister. I'd be lost without you. You are The One I can always talk to, and its reciprocated. You are my sanity, Thank you.

My unbelievable mother, you are the reason I am what I am. You are who gave me life. You are my support, my nurturer, my wisdom. I can never find the words to describe my gratefulness... There are no words. I love you. Thank you.

My amazingly talent brother, you are someone I am so proud, protective of. Your innocence combined with my childishness is something I love, cherish, enjoy. I love you so much, and I will always be there for you.

My wise, beautiful grandmothers, you are roles models I aspire to be. Your kindness, your full hearts, your love, have got me through this life. You wisdom is cherished beyond words can describe. You are so beautiful, I am so honored to have you two beautiful women in my life. I am lucky.

My honest authentic father, you are the soul reason I believe that there are good hearted men in the world. You have and always will be the role model for any possible man in my life, because you have been unfailing as a support system, as a role model, as a stability. You have made my laughter into reality, and no matter how hard I fall, you are always there to pick my up and make me smile.

My beautiful wonderful stepmother, you are a best friend, another mother to me. Support, wisdom and sincerity have always been what you give me. Constant stability. You are good times, laughs, and adventures.

There are so many more wonderful, amazing, beautiful people who grace my life.
There are No Words for how much you all mean to me, how much you make me who I am. Love is the only way to come close to describe the feeling I have for you all in my heart. Namaste. The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you.

Namasté is one of the few Sanskrit words commonly recognized by Non-Hindi speakers. In the West, it is often used to indicate South Asian culture in general^{[citation needed]}. Namasté is particularly associated with aspects of South Asian culture such as vegetarianism, yoga, ayurvedic healing, and Hinduism.

In recent times, and more globally, the term "namasté" has come to be especially associated with yoga and spiritual meditation all over the world. In this context, it has been viewed in terms of a multitude of very complicated and poetic meanings which tie in with the spiritual origins of the word. Some examples:

• "I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me." -- attributed to author Deepak Chopra^[3]
• "I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."^[4][5]
• "I salute the God within you."
• "Your spirit and my spirit are ONE." -- attributed to Lilias Folan's shared teachings from her journeys to India.^{[citation needed]}
• "That which is of the Divine in me greets that which is of the Divine in you."^[6]
• "The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you."^[7]
• "All that is best and highest in me greets/salutes all that is best and highest in you."

That said, these are all arguably simply attempts at translating the same concept, which does not have a direct parallel in English. In Buddhism, the concept may be understood as Buddha nature.

Boys should never be put to bed.
They always wake up one day older.

To Live, would be an awfully big adventure...

Cupcake under Construction...

I'm sorry for not being as up to date on this. I'm currently under going construction, and most of it's been involved with material that is elaborated on on the blog called Femme Fatale.
It's not PG rated kids. Its raw, lustful, angry, blunt and sexual. So if your sugary sweet stomachs can't take it, then don't let your curiosity get the better of you.

Also, if you happen to be someone who's maybe crossed my path in a unforgettable way, reader be warned, you might not like the effect you've made on me. But come now, what makes you think you're so special? Don't be so vain...

Femme Fatale
Femme Fatale
Femme Fatale
Femme Fatale
Femme Fatale
Femme Fatale

D.C.: Lloyd, why do you have to be like this?
Lloyd Dobler: 'Cause I'm a guy. I have pride.
Corey Flood: You're not a guy.
Lloyd Dobler: I am.
Corey Flood: No. The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don't be a guy.


Corey Flood: I'm sorry, it's just that you're a really nice guy and we don't want to see you get hurt.
Lloyd Dobler: I want to get hurt!


Lloyd Dobler: [leaving the last of a series of messages on Diane's answering machine] "Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later."

Sometimes I just don't know How to be Strong.

"Life throws you curve balls." Its a philosophy that's well versed in our society's book of Life. What I can't understand, is why does Life feel it necessary to not throw one, but five hundred at once? I understand the outcome is to make us Stronger, but there's only so much a person can take before falling to the ground. I'm not sure how much more myself or the very precious people around me can take.

It's hard trying to understand the meaning of life, and the importance of the people who enter it. There are a precious few people in my life whom I know that I'll never be without, but there are also the few where it feels like its important, beautiful, interesting, and mutual... but confusing and hard to figure out.

With matters of the heart, proverbs say Love Is Blind... Could that be the (somewhat) answer to this confusion about these few?

You say that I am meaningful. You say that I am Beautiful. You say that You feel something Important when it comes to knowing Me... If that is the case, then what exactly am I to You, if You have Her?

Drama is something I like life without. I always have. I regard Drama to be unnecessary, painful, idiotic, and immature. So if this is all that I am to You, and this is all that You want with Me, then You soon learn that knowing Me is a privilege. A privilege that can and very quickly will be taken away. But if what You say is genuine (which I hope it is), and deep in Your Heart Your intentions are true, then You and I have some future to look forward to.

Live through This, and You won't Look Back...

"Your Ex-Lover Is Dead"

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...